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Geri Robertson, RC

Breaking Free: Overcoming Enmeshment in Parent-Child Relationships





Ever heard of enmeshment? Let's look into what it is, why it happens, and how you can break free from it.


Enmeshment is a disorganized relationship, typically between a parent and child, where boundaries become blurred. This often occurs when the parent is emotionally immature. Instead of a clear guide-disciple dynamic, the parent-child relationship becomes more like a friendship, with shared confidences and co-dependence. The parent relies on the child to fulfill roles that are inappropriate for a child. In an enmeshed relationship, there is no clear authority, leading to anxiety, confusion, and anger for the child.


Breaking free from an enmeshed relationship with a parent requires significant effort from the child. This is further complicated when the parent refuses to acknowledge the unhealthy nature of the relationship. The parent may be afraid of losing the child's companionship and may resort to unhealthy tactics like manipulation, emotional blackmail, and angry outbursts to maintain control. It takes great strength for the child to withstand these tactics, especially considering the fear of losing the parental relationship entirely. This process often begins in the child's late teens or adulthood. In some cases, complete separation may be necessary.


However, even after breaking free from an enmeshed relationship, it's important to continue working on personal boundaries and healing from the emotional damage. Seeking therapy or counseling can provide valuable support and guidance. Additionally, building healthy relationships with others can help replace the unhealthy dynamics of the enmeshed relationship.


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