
Challenging behaviours in our children, let's explore some of the reasons they occur, ways to mitigate the fallout of these behaviours and how as a parent you can regain calm in your home.
I’m talking about challenging behaviours our children present. These behaviours usually start to rear their ugly head at the 5-6 year mark, mostly because the household can often feel like it is in an emotional storm, usually on school mornings and bedtime. We are all usually ready for the terrible twos, and the tyranny of the threes, however, when this behaviour persists, it can take us a few more years to realize we have a child who is in trouble and can’t self-regulate, struggles socially, and gets stuck in the power struggle. Each of these behaviours is normal at certain early stages of development, but sometimes our kids can’t move through these behaviours without further understanding and help.
The explosive anger, the negotiations, the power struggle. These are often signs of a developmentally immature brain. The child in question has had some experience that has prevented their brain from maturing at the same speed as a typically normal brain. This child is not necessarily neurodivergent, but is just lagging behind in brain development, mostly in the emotional realm, called the amygdala. The amygdala is a small part of the brain, but man! can it cause us some serious issues, from maladaptive behaviours as children, which can seep into adulthood, to social anxiety and even addiction. It is where we decide that we are either safe, or not. It reacts to all experiences with one of three responses: Fight, Flight or Freeze. IThe amygdala is usually responding with the flight response in kids with challenging behaviours. This response has been imprinted as the go-to response due to a trauma experienced in early childhood or infancy. Often caused through a medical trauma before the age of 1 or 3. But is not noticeable until the child moves through and past the baby stage, into the young child stage between 6-8.
If these signs of immature emotional development are not addressed early on, the child is left feeling confused, their self-esteem is damaged, and their relationships with parents and siblings are made very difficult. Mitigating the fallout of the immature emotional challenges is really about noticing the emotional imbalance in the child and finding out how to assist them until their emotional development catches up. Just helping them understand themselves and why they do the things they do, behave in the ways they do as well, is a great way to start.
Sometimes the child grows and their emotional immaturity never really becomes age-appropriate. This is not to say they as adults aren’t successful because they often are, they are usually very smart and end up in leadership-type roles, but without compassion and a willing parent who is able to understand the behaviour and give their child the understanding of self, the child’s journey is much tougher than it has to be. Helping them best, by first understanding them yourself, helping them understand and accept themselves, which leads to a child with more resilience and self-esteem.
Reach out to a parenting coach, such as myself or others in your town. A little understanding goes a long way.
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