Attachment theory, a groundbreaking psychological concept, offers valuable insights into how early experiences with caregivers can profoundly impact our adult relationships. By understanding our attachment styles, we can gain a deeper understanding of our patterns of love and connection.
Attachment theory was created by the psychologist, John Bowlby, in the 1960s. He connected a child's experiences with parents and their parenting styles to adult relationships and communication. Bowlby found through study that there are four distinct attachment styles considered to be the foundation of attachment theory:
Secure attachment style: Indicated by less anxiety or avoidance of intimacy in relationships.
Anxious attachment style: Involves high anxiety levels and low avoidance.
Avoidant attachment style: Involves low anxiety levels and high avoidance levels.
Disorganized attachment style: Exhibited by fear and severe avoidance of attachment.
These different attachment styles are developed in infancy and follow us throughout our lives. However, if we find that our attachment styles prevent us from developing deep, long-lasting connections, we can change them. Becoming aware of our attachment style is the first step.
The differing attachment styles are rooted in the connection between child and primary caregiver. If a parent is attentive and focused on their newborn infant and continues this during the child's formative years, the child approaches life and relationships with a secure attachment style. Through early experiences, they learn to trust people and themselves.
However, if a parent is aloof and unemotional, an insecure attachment style is created, and the child may move through life not trusting others and keeping themselves somewhat removed and unemotional in relationships.
Additionally, if a parent is unpredictable in their relationship with the child, such as being loving and nurturing at times but explosive and abusive at others, the child's attachment can be disorganized. The child grows up wanting love and nurturing but may not trust these feelings because they do not last. Therefore, once a close connection is made in a relationship, the individual may push their partner away, not feeling safe in the connection. This is called disorganized attachment.
While we cannot say that early attachment styles are identical to adult romantic attachment, research has shown that early attachment styles can help predict behavior patterns in adulthood.
Subsequent research suggests that parental divorce or abandonment can impact adult children's attachment styles. A child's experience of seeing their parents divorce or experiencing abandonment is linked to more negative feelings about romantic relationships and a higher likelihood of having an anxious or avoidant attachment style.
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